Habits, Compulsions and Addictions
Habits
The words “usually,” “prefer,” and “like to” accompany habits. The person prefers these things but if they are not available, the desire soon passes, and the person can enjoy life without the beer, sex, chocolate, or new coat. Habits can be broken with little determination and will.
As habits become more deeply entrenched and a person lives at odds with him or herself — “I should stop doing this, but I seem to” — we are moving into the realms of compulsive behavior.
Compulsions
Compulsive behaviors are rooted in a need to reduce tension, often caused by inner feelings a person wants to control or avoid.
Like addictive behavior, compulsive behavior starts as a protective way to detach from the terror of betrayal originating in childhood abuse, neglect, or broken bonds. “Can’t,” “must,” and “I’ve got to,” are words associated with compulsions.
“I can’t get sexually aroused without a violent fantasy.” “I must have caffeine to get through the day.”
The feeling is more intense than a habit. If asked why, they can only say, “If I don’t, I can’t relax, or I’ll go nuts.” Most people don’t realize it stems from a paired response that got set-up unconsciously in their brain. They just think “that’s the way I am.”
In general, compulsions limit life and intimacy in relationships but they don’t necessarily destroy them. It’s like traveling in a broken-down car that barely gets you there.
When we cross that invisible line between compulsions, we board a train that is careening down the tracks. What was once a limiting part of life becomes life-threatening.
Any compulsive behavior can turn into an addiction.
Addictions
The process that involves the split in the personality where the life-affirming side of life and the addictive part become increasingly separate
Feeling powerless to quit by will; feeling out of control
Inability to manage other aspects of life
Harmful consequences
Escalation of behavior
Withdrawal upon quitting